Follow-up on Jamieson-Lohmann report

In class today, it seemed as though most people agreed that we should submit the feedback that you generated in class last week. Bri volunteered to champion the writing to submission, and Beth and Junaid agreed to help if we could do this in January. Most people agreed they could help if we did it in January, rather than yet this semester.

It also seemed there was agreement (I hope I read this correctly) in submitting the feedback both online and to Dean Jamieson directly, with perhaps a cover letter prefacing the feedback.

Things to do include

• put together an email list yet this semester
  
• drafting a cover letter
• revising the material written last week to be consistent in format and voice, no bullets etc.
  
• getting everyone's feedback, if it's going to come from the class
• actually submitting the final version. (W00T!)

Robin and I want to offer our availability to look at a draft, but we don't want to block the process, and offer it only if you collectively want our critical eye.  We're also fine if you'd like to just shepherd this through on y'alls own.  We would like a copy of this when you're all done just so we can bask in your amazingness. :-D

COOL.

tools for writing

In class, I also shared some ideas on how to improve your writing.  Here are the highlights:

• once you have written a complete-ish draft, reoutline your paper.  In other words, take a paragraph you've written and try to summarize its big idea, write it in the margin.  Do you have more than one big idea per paragraph?  You might then want to split them into two paragraphs, where you say your big idea, and then spend the rest of the paragraph supporting it.  Once you've summarized all the paragraphs, look at all your big ideas, and think about whether the flow of those ideas help you make your overall point.  Do you need to reorder paragraphs? Do you need to delete one entirely (or save it to a "cut paragraphs" file in case you want it again later) because it is a distraction?
• have colleagues read your essays.  Not just the folks in ENE or in class -- have your roomate, your partner, your kids read your essay and give you specific advice.
• Let your ideas stew.  Write something, and leave it aside.  You might mull it over, and want to rewrite bits.  You might return to it with fresh eyes to improve how you have made a point.  So plan in time to be able to leave it aside.
• Writing can be a way to think through ideas.  So as you write, you might change your overall point or story.  So then don't leave the beginning of your essay in the place you started.  START OVER.  Otherwise we will note you are drifting through your essay.  Try to stay focused over the period of your essay.
• Make use of the Writing Lab, either the online version, or the in-person version.  They are great resources - especially the in-person version.

Let me know if you have questions on these, or add ideas to the comments below!

Banned phrases, according to Alice

Okay, so I won't be so demonistic as to actually ban phrases or ideas.  But I ask you to use the following ideas with caution and restraint.  To wit:

• slippery time-related words, such as "nowadays," "traditionally," or "in the past" allow the writer to avoid specifying a particular time period in a particular context by relying on the reader's shared knowledge of the past.  The problem is that your readers will be diverse, and you should not rely on any shared knowledge, really at all.
• "in my opinion" is a phrase that allows the writer/speaker to wiggle out of any criticism because of a shared value of pluralism.  For example, I can't contradict your statement that, say, "education is a public good" if you simply say it is your opinion. I can believe your opinion is wrong, but it makes our whole conversation a little shaky because it stays in the realm of individual belief.  However, if you simply say that "education is a public good," I can push you to support this statement - who says this? In what context? a good for whom?  are engineers part of the public? and so on.  Saying it is simply your opinion kills that conversation.
• Please please please please don't start your essays with this kind of idea: "Since the beginning of time.... education/engineering has been a human endeavor."  The only time this would be okay is if you were writing an essay about the beginnings of education, or some kind of human essence, and you had lots of sources and citations to back up your claim of "how things were."  But it in general makes for a really overly general (read: boring) essay beginning.  Tell me a story, rather than pontificate about the beginning of humankind.
  
• Gendered language as generic.  JEE doesn't accept it, and neither do we.  Talk about humanity rather than mankind, or talk about students rather than a generic student who is male, for example.
• Be careful with the idea of "society."  Not everyone's conceptions of "society" are the same.  Do you mean a particular country? subgroup? time period? Try not to use "society" as a way of making a claim in the active voice but not actually knowing who the actor(s) is/are.

Thanks.  I'll enjoy reading your essays much more now.

comments on writing essays in this course

Today we started class by talking about Robin and Alice's comments on reading your first essays - this one on the question, "what is education?"

Here's a summary of the big points:

•  Philsophy is a mode or approach to inquiry.  In this way, you base your arguments on the words of others as evidence for your big ideas.  This means you need to use citations to reference the important ideas of others upon which you have formed your perspective (in agreement, in constrast, etc.).  But in the same way, you must use the words of others as evidence, rather than as a crutch to make your argument for you.  How does a particular quote help you make your point?  Reemphasize your point after you have cited others' text, reminding your reader why the quote has meaning for your argument.
• Think about how you attach metaphorical characteristics to the idea of "education."  Is education a thing that people give other people?  Is it itself an actor, where education does something to someone?  Is it a process by which people accomplish other things?  Be intentional in your language in what characteristics you embed in your idea of "education" through the simple description of the idea.
• Many folks started their essays with definitions from others.  This is a good mechanism to help you start writing.  But perhaps consider this a "pre-writing" step -- looking up definitions is a way to get the writing juices flowing, but it's a kind of low-key way to open your essay.  Consider starting with your story to start with.  What is an example from your experiences that you think exemplifies (or contrasts vehemently) your perspective on education?
• It's nice that so many people think that everyone should be educated, irrespective of race, class, or gender.  But that perspective has consequences on the role and responsibility education has (look, education as an actor) in communities, as a social process.  If everyone should be educated, what does that mean for how we think education should be funded? or how curricula should be decided? (note, passive voice!) or how learning should be assessed?  (and by whom?)
• Beware the use of the passive voice.  While in technical writing, we learn to write in the passive voice to keep our writing "objective," critics (including your instructors) have argued this simply hides responsibility for action.  In other words, simply saying a task "is done" does not remove the fact that someone did the task.

Think about these in the context of your second essay, which will be focused on "what is engineering?"  See my next post for "banned phrases."